Perceptions from a lone soldier...

To struggle in rays of the setting sun, the world seems bleak and tragic. We fight to fit the standard imposed on us by superficial, critics on power-trips. Are these jeans faded enough? Does this shirt go with these shoes? And my hair, I spent too much energy on, Is it perfectly disheveled now? Is this living? Day in and day out, a reminder of how I ought to look and how I ought to sound, where I should have risen to by 25 and for what? So I slip into societal norms undetected, unnoticed. Like herded sheep in a plastic consumeristic field to be shaved and shaped into their ideal image.... The world delights not me.
Twisting, turning, evolving towards falsification. The dreams of those to become alien to who they are or once were. Craving acceptance by means of conformity. I've lived as a sheep exceeding two decades and I require more from this life than that.
More than just looking the part, or sounding smart, or pushing for a fresh start with their preplanned destiny. I am the lone soldier. I will write my own destiny. I will rise above it and evolve in MY ideal image. Sour and bitter spoil my appetite for their world. Just take a moment, they say, smell the dying flowers.

Clouds cast blackened hollows sweeping closer towards me and for just this once, I'll stay in the light. What they want doesn't matter. What they see, I could care less. For I am me, not you and if I keep my head above the toxic waters of those expectations, hope of finding me exist. That identity so quick to slip from my conscious, can float back to the reality I tread in.....

Comments

  1. ModernMelApril 27, 2012 at 6:04 AM

    Playing a part or role can make you feel like youre losing sight of who you are and what you've made yourself. But in a sense, at such a young and vulnerable age matched with new surroundings, new environment, expectations, and a new experience in live theater you may be still crafting your own being. It's difficult stepping into a world and environment where people are constantly molding you for a role such as this.

    I trained, walked with, and carried many performers who had to become legends and icons in an environment where we took our work seriously but others did not. After all, who gives a shit about a theme park show was the mentality.

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  2. ModernMelApril 27, 2012 at 6:10 AM

    But just like those performers, I saw them struggle with their roles. From Lucy, Michael Jackson, Mama Cass, Janis Joplin, Frank Sinatra, and even Buddy Holly all of those actors struggled to play their icons. Teaching them balance and the reminding the temporary structure of rehearsals kept them focused. It as hard as a stage manager to maintain the quality of a show with so many actors acting as legends AND keep the actors sane. My point is - keep your focus and rest your body and mind in between. You've been hired to play a Texas legend in a Txas theater. For a New Yorker...hell, that' says a lot about your versatility as an actor and most importantly as a man. We all see something in you that we know you can hit with this role othierwise I don't think I'd waste your time since the beginning.

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